Love Songs

I can listen to all those old love songs and still get the same effect over and over. At the state I'm currently in, I know I shouldn't listen to anything that would only bring back the pain then again that's the whole point to overcome pain I got to live through it. I need to feel it to satisfy my soul, quench my own thirst for it and smash the whole of me to bits -- that's the way I want it for me to leave everything behind. I'll savor the hurt until it's last drop, pouring it on me, swallowing nothing but pain for only then can I say I'm strong enough to have survived it.

Yes, I am still hurting...damn, I am! It's almost a year now and it's still here crushing me; there I was yesterday telling everybody I'm over and done with it. I lied...fine! I did but I'm not going to apologize for it. I did what I did, I said what needs to be said -- well, for as long as I am concerned. The betrayal is just too unbearable causing me undeniable grief, tormenting me on the inside penetrating even to the deepest core.

Why, why me??? There, I spilled the not-supposed to be raised question. I've been trying my best not to ask but I just can't help it anymore; it's been within me since day 1 which I haven't blurted out until now. Indeed, the cut is deep and I don't know when it will fully heal; when it does, I'll soon owe you the biggest scar my heart will have. I wish I can say this will be my last piece for this turbulent ride but until I can let everything all out surely this wouldn't be the last. I can only write what I have inside as I know every one I'll talk to will only superficially understand this dilemma I'm in. Either they'll shrug me off or provide unsolicited advices when all I want is someone who will listen; someone who won't push their ideals on me. I'll just put all my flagrant outbursts into words in this virtual refuge of mine.

Suffocatingly exasperated, I can only heave a sigh as I lay my case fervently hoping that soon I'll be refreshingly rejuvenated...soul, mind, heart and body. One day I'll listen to these love songs once again with only joy within me.